The Anguish of the Indictor

[Inad]

Hi. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but here it goes. If there's a better place please let me know.

I've been publishing the Star Wars D6 adventures I've written and played for a few years now in my blog: http://historiasconcilio.blogspot.com There are about a dozen modules ready to play there, Texts are in Spanish though.

I few days ago I made my first atempt to translate one of them to English. The Anguish of the Indictor is available for download at http://historiasconcilio.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-anguish-of-indictor-star-wars-d6.html

Any comments or advices on it will be welcomed.

[Zarn]

There's a period at the end of your URL for the adventure, which confuses a browser trying to open it. I suggest you remove the period.

[Inad]

[Zarn]

The layout is excellent. No, better than that - I think it is superb. You've made an obvious effort in matching the layout of other published adventures, and the time you've put into this really shows. If I ever get the chance, I'll take this adventure for a spin with a new group to see how it plays out!

The rest is feedback, and nitpicky at that:

Impressions:
A few sample characters would also be nice, as the text refers to handing out characters numbered 1 through 6 (potentially). It would also help with my one major objection to the entire adventure - if the characters are loyal Imperial subjects, they're more likely to follow Colonel Jetero's orders when they are stated, and would likely not have abandoned their stations unless Captain Zeraus ordered the crew to abandon ship. Which means that when Colonel Jetero decides to try ramming some of the opposition (I'm assuming that's the idea before she decides to abandon ship), it seems likely that many aboard the ship would return to their stations.

Senator Moo Fee Ta's name feels like an in-joke or lost in translation joke, somehow. I'm not sure why. The good senator's spelling changes occasionally, but not often enough to be much of an issue.

[Raven Redstar]

I'm going to check this out. Thanks for sharing!
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RR
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[Whill]

[Sutehp]

Inad, welcome to the Pit! Yeah, I'm going to take a look at your adventure. Just for the record, I'm originally from Argentina (Buenos Aires specifically) so I also speak Spanish, although since my family and I moved to the US when I was only 2 months old, English is my first language...and my Spanish is pretty atrocious, especially for a porteño like me. And yeah, I can't read Spanish for crap. It's a bit of a running joke among me and my family that I don't speak Spanish all that well (even if I can speak it enough to get by).

All that aside, I'd like to take a look at Anguish of the Indictor and if you don't mind, I'd like to offer some editing corrections. If you need confirmation of my credentials, just ask Oliver Queen about me; I've been doing some editing work for the upcoming Rogue One and Rebels Season 3 fanbooks for him.

And if you want to see some of my work that's been posted already, just download the Legacy of the Force sourcebook here at the Pit. (It's about 10 entries below your Indictor adventure. I'd link to it directly, but the filename url has too many brackets to be directly linked here.) I edited that whole book for Thor Thorson (aka Treefrog here at the Pit). Treefrog and his friend did all the stats and number crunching as well as a good chunk of the writing, but I edited that whole thing as well as wrote what Thor and his friend didn't. (Yes, it's a shameless plug of my work, but I figured you'd want proof of my skills. 8) )
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Sutehp's RPG Goodies
Only some of it is for D6 Star Wars.
Just repurchased the X-Wing and Tie Fighter flight sim games. I forgot how much I missed them.

[Inad]

Thank you all for you comments and support. I will work on a revised version and will let you know whenever it is ready. This has really encouraged me to go ahead with the translation of my other modules.

[Zarn]

.

.

[Whill]

[cheshire]

Yeah, keep us posted with what else you release!
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Before we take any of this too seriously, just remember that in the middle episode a little rubber puppet moves a spaceship with his mind.

[Sutehp]

Indeed, Inad, I'm looking forward to the translations of your other adventures.
_________________
Sutehp's RPG Goodies
Only some of it is for D6 Star Wars.
Just repurchased the X-Wing and Tie Fighter flight sim games. I forgot how much I missed them.

[Telsij]