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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 11:39 pm Post subject: Star Wars: The Triumvirate Conundrum |
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So, I've developed a new scenario for my PCs- it was originally going to be a new player introduction, but the new player fell through, so I revised and expanded it for my regular PCs (and tried to put it in a WEG-ish writing style).
I wanted to submit it to the pit for review and constructive criticism- it will likely be launching in a week (possibly 2, depending on how next week's session goes), so ground-up changes on Thursday may not get applied... But if anyone's interested, I'd love to get the opinion of some RPG vets. (Stats are almost all modified/based off of Gry Sarth's sourcebook compilations... minus Qiraash and Teek, which I had to improvise).
The adventure is entitled Star Wars: The Triumvirate Conundrum (sorry, Fallon- no relation to your Triumvirate ).
In brief, it's a Western set in a Kashyyyk/Endor-esque mega-forest (after all, no reason Western tropes can't play out in a lush woodland instead of a dry, dusty desert), in which the PCs become embroiled in a 3-way conflict between the Sheriff, the Outlaws, and the grizzled old prospector hiding out in the mine who's found the mother lode that everyone is looking for. But just to complicate things, the PCs are brought in to work for the Outlaws, who they're led to believe are actually the law, and the real law made out to be outlaws. Throw in some drug smuggling, a lot of fires, a rogue Teek, and a final showdown in which the PCs have to choose which of the 3 factions they're fighting with... and there you have it.
http://www.nolinecinemas.com/Star%20Wars%20-%20The%20Triumvarite%20Conundrum.rtf
(Alternatively, copy & paste "www.nolinecinemas.com/Star Wars - The Triumvarite Conundrum.rtf", but I think the above link is more likely to work.)
If this goes the whole week without any nibbles, I won't be offended- but anyone that wants to check it out and give me their thoughts, improvements, plot holes, contingencies I didn't cover, important missing stats, or even typos, I'd certainly appreciate the fresh pair of eyes! _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
Hard core OT, all the way! |
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Fallon Kell Commodore
Joined: 07 Mar 2011 Posts: 1846 Location: Tacoma, WA
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Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:49 am Post subject: Re: Star Wars: The Triumvirate Conundrum |
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Zarm R'keeg wrote: | sorry, Fallon- no relation to your Triumvirate. | No worries. Those guys were a total party kill in a can. _________________ Or that excessively long "Noooooooooo" was the Whining Side of the Force leaving him. - Dustflier
Complete Starship Construction System |
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 9:10 am Post subject: |
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The original outline went straight from the downtime/saloon meeting to the underground fire, meeting the prospectors, and the Bikers arriving then for a first face-to-face meeting with the PCs. I still think that's narratively tighter, but it seemed odd to introduce the 'true' Prospector side anything other than last, and didn't give the PCs enough of a chance to explore the Biker's side- hence the inclusion of additional material with the Gorax footprint, etc. _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
Hard core OT, all the way! |
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Kaloth Varsk Lieutenant Commander
Joined: 28 Jan 2012 Posts: 121
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:16 am Post subject: |
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If you are going for the WEG style, a couple things worth considering:
1) Including a plot summary that has one paragraph on each chapter at the beginning.
2) Including more background section with material that sets up the adventure. (The three groups fit in this part already.)
3) OPTIONAL - Including a script (Don't know why, but I always liked that in adventures, even if I didn't always use them.) As it stands, the opening monologue is quite lengthy, and I'd worry it will lose players since it isn't very interactive.
4) I like to see the opening have more action for a SW game. En Media Res is your friend. This seems to take a bit to get going.
5) The number of individual characters is a bit overwhelming. I'd limit the cast of key characters, and then make the rest "extras" with standardized stats.
In general, I think the read alouds are a bit long and overwhelming. Many of them are a half page to page, with the opening one being a page and a half of text. When I write modules, I try to keep the read alouds in shorter bursts to ensure that the players get to interact instead of sit and listen. May just be a personal preference thing for me, but I've found for Starwars, pacing is a very key component to the game. |
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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Perhaps I should have said 'using the conventions of WEG.' This was a rush enough to complete that it certainly doesn't have all the bells and whistles of a full module.
I will take these ideas into construction- I'm already working on pairing down the opening narration, which is a bit extensive, yes- I'll try to work on setting the scene and filling in the BG with a little less.
No script, though- never saw the point. They're going to inevitably be out-of-character for the PCs they're assigned to.
As for the characters, this is true. Most of the characters- save for the primary members of each of the three factions- are totally throwaway/extras and not that important- they just have BGs and full stats, I suppose, based off of my "Thug #3 is a person with a name, childhood, specific skillset, etc.- so why leave him as thug #3?" mindset.
I'll see what I can do with these ideas in the time alloted...
Edit: Actually, that raises a question. Whenever I've tried to do a Media Res-type opening before, I've tended to get complaints- people (well, one in particular, but sometimes more) are confused, don't understand how they got from where they last were to where they're starting, or ask questions until the entire background is filled in until the pace is wrecked anyway (I have very methodical, slow-paced, decision-phobic players ), so I think I've tended to avoid In Media Res and instead front-load a massive opening narration with everything they could possibly want to know, so that once it completes, they'll be ready to move into the story (even Domain of Evil got this treatment lately). Yet, when I do a large chunk of narration, I have noticed flagging interests due to lack of interactivity, as you suggested. Kind of kriffed if I do, kriffed if I don't- and if I open gaps in the narration for interactivity, typically they'll just ask questions that continuing the unbroken narration would fill in anyway.
Do you have any particular techniques you use with right-into-the-action openings to prevent PC disorientation or make sure that they understand what they're doing enough not to monkey-wrench things with incessant questions? (Or does it usually just work without excessive explanation or special technique, and I just have difficult players...? ) _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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Well, a revised version with trimmed opening narration and better organization is in-progress, but I must confess that an 'En Media Res' opening- or much of any itneractivity before the opening conversation with Grull is rather stumping me. Everything I can think of- from a pirate attack/landing failure/crisis on the freighter before their arrival to some sort ofattack or disaster at the very start (from miner malcontents, or due to the neglect that causes other disasters) to a whimsical interaction with the native wildlife that throws just-for-fun butterly-effect results later into the adventure, nothing that I can come up with seems organic to the story. Even a disaster at the start- a landing pad collapse, or attack by miners angry with their corrupt overseers- all feels like exactly what it is; a tacked-on action sequence. None of it feels right ot the story (nor does starting with the fire and doing a flashback to the arrival/after-the-fact fill-in). A proper Star Wars opening usually has a big conflict or battle- and nothing fits intrinsically to this story. Any thoughts? I mean, I don't want to add something just for the sake of adding something... right now, its more of a TPM/AOTC/ESB opening, introducing the environment (though perhaps without the necessary air of mystery that each of those openings had to complement it)- and right now, that seems preferable to a shoe-horned-in opening action sequence... but one that organically fits, has the right tone (as opposed to just being 'a bad thing happens while you are standing nearby'), and contributes to the story would be ideal.
(On a side-note, I found a few of my own errors: an additional option for dealing with the mine fire using repulsorcarts, and at the end of Chapter 5, when the PCs emerge from their meeting with the Prospectors, they will be queried for a report on their search, and given false information implicating the leader of the prospectors in the fire, with 'evidence' to implicate the Prospectors in sabotage and deceit- to make the decision of who to trust/side with a little less clear-cut.) _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
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Kaloth Varsk Lieutenant Commander
Joined: 28 Jan 2012 Posts: 121
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Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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Zarm R'keeg wrote: | Well, a revised version with trimmed opening narration and better organization is in-progress, but I must confess that an 'En Media Res' opening- or much of any itneractivity before the opening conversation with Grull is rather stumping me. Everything I can think of- from a pirate attack/landing failure/crisis on the freighter before their arrival to some sort ofattack or disaster at the very start (from miner malcontents, or due to the neglect that causes other disasters) to a whimsical interaction with the native wildlife that throws just-for-fun butterly-effect results later into the adventure, nothing that I can come up with seems organic to the story. Even a disaster at the start- a landing pad collapse, or attack by miners angry with their corrupt overseers- all feels like exactly what it is; a tacked-on action sequence. None of it feels right ot the story (nor does starting with the fire and doing a flashback to the arrival/after-the-fact fill-in). A proper Star Wars opening usually has a big conflict or battle- and nothing fits intrinsically to this story. Any thoughts? I mean, I don't want to add something just for the sake of adding something... right now, its more of a TPM/AOTC/ESB opening, introducing the environment (though perhaps without the necessary air of mystery that each of those openings had to complement it)- and right now, that seems preferable to a shoe-horned-in opening action sequence... but one that organically fits, has the right tone (as opposed to just being 'a bad thing happens while you are standing nearby'), and contributes to the story would be ideal.
(On a side-note, I found a few of my own errors: an additional option for dealing with the mine fire using repulsorcarts, and at the end of Chapter 5, when the PCs emerge from their meeting with the Prospectors, they will be queried for a report on their search, and given false information implicating the leader of the prospectors in the fire, with 'evidence' to implicate the Prospectors in sabotage and deceit- to make the decision of who to trust/side with a little less clear-cut.) |
I'm going to read through again and see if I can come up with some early interactivity options. |
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:15 am Post subject: |
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Well, potential premiere (with what tweaks I could applied) tomorrow- any other last-minute feedback's welcome today. Either way, a revised version with some graphics should be up in the next week or two.
EDIT:
Well, looks like it'll be next Friday instead. _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 6:00 pm Post subject: |
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All right, based on feedback, here is a second draft:
http://www.nolinecinemas.com/Triumvarite_Conundrum_Second_Draft.rtf
As opposed to a summary at the start, I slightly expanded the original outline and included a paragraph-long chapter summary at the start of each chapter. I'd be happy to add more summary or background information- but nothing really came to mind that wouldn't be redundant when I sat down to do so before.
Narration is trimmed a bit (probably not as drastically as it should be- but I am loathe to lose detail in the scenes).
Characters are now classed into three categories- main characters, minor characters, and extras (those added just to give a splash of color to the surroundings). Stats for all are included for reference in an end index, but only the pertinent primary character stats are included in the body of the text.
A few additional bits have been added- as mentioned above- to hopefully increase the ambiguity of who is lying and who is telling the truth between the factions.
Finally, there's a player script at the end that can be used for narrators who prefer to replace the opening page of narration with a more interactive opening.
Again, any suggestions- especially on the narrative, other unconsidered options that should be factored in, etc. are welcome! _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
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Kaloth Varsk Lieutenant Commander
Joined: 28 Jan 2012 Posts: 121
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:21 am Post subject: |
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I like this version much better to keep players engaged. |
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:36 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks! _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
Hard core OT, all the way! |
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Zarm R'keeg Commander
Joined: 14 Apr 2012 Posts: 481 Location: PA
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Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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About halfway through initial playthrough, and so far so good... Grull and his men may be a bit TOO obvious black hats... _________________ Star Wars: Marvels, the audio drama: www.nolinecinemas.com
Hard core OT, all the way! |
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